I apologize for my lateness, but I am back with another health update!
-I don’t see why, *I’m* in perfect health.
You are a figment of my imagination, you don’t count.
Now, when you think of the traditionally classic pirate body, you probably think beer belly, scraggly beards, peg legs and eye patches, and a general green tinge because they stick so bad.
-So basically, what you look like now.
HEY! I do not stink!
I will admit that I am not currently very healthy though. But with the help of my trusty parrot and my faithful crew, I will become the pirate I want to be!
Yeah, it’s a stretch, just go with it for now.
Last month I weighed in at 301.0 lbs.
This month I weigh…306.7 lbs
-YOU GAINED WEIGHT?!?! I thought the whole purpose of this was to LOSE weight.
Yup, a goal I am failing at currently. The reason I didn’t do an update last month was due to gains as well, but I decided I couldn’t hide two months in a row. My weight still puts me very squarely in the “Morbidly Obese” range of the BMI chart. Not a place I want to be at all.
My long term goals are: to weigh 165 lbs, have six-pack abs, be able to completely run a 10k, and have a body fat percentage in the teens.
I also plan on completing all these goals in 2 years.
Can I do it? Absolutely!
Will it be hard as hell? Absolutely!
How the hell am I going to do it? Absolutely! Wait, wrong response…
My plan is to take small steps, make reachable monthly goals, and make permanent changes to my habits. I will report back to you every month with how I did, how it felt, and what the next months goals are!
So here are last months goals:
1. Exercise: 20 push-ups per day (rest Sundays) Meh. I did manage to do my (wall version) pushups most days, but I certainly wasn’t as strict as I should have been.
2. Avoid sweets (desserts, candy, etc.) Fail. I think I had MORE sweets this month than usual. And always with a “I deserve this” mentality.
3. Eat at least 2 servings of vegetables per day, 1 at lunch and 1 at dinner Meh. I did okay, had a few days even where I ate more than two veggies in a day. Still have a lot of work to do to make it a habit though.
-Wow, you suck.
Your constant support fills me with warm fuzzy feelings as always.
This month, I’m going to try something different.
I have a very good friend who has volunteered to be a kind of life coach for me and help me get my eating under control.
-A life coach? Does this “friend” have the proper credentials for this?
…Yes? She is very healthy herself and is getting me on a plan she has done before.
For the next 21 days, I’m placing my life in her hands and going cold turkey into a healthy eating lifestyle.
My directive for today: lean protein, veggies, and fruit only! Avoid (aka, don’t even THINK about) carbs and dairy.
I think the first few days will be fairly simple, I have plenty of choices of foods I like so the restrictions won’t feel too bad. Things will probably go downhill fast after week one and the cravings start and memories of pizza and french fries take on reverent status. I just have to hang on and be strong though, because once I reach 21 days, I should have some handy dandy new habits and eating healthy will be MUCH easier.
-Is birdseed a carb?
Ok, that’s all for today. There will be an update in approximately another month to show my progress to SEXY pirate-hood! Hopefully next time with some weight loss!
-Parrots are truly sexy without even trying.
Oh hush you.
Until next time, avast ye scoundrels!
Photo Credit: Gamers Fanon Wikia